Week Fifteen (Jan. 29)

Week Fifteen of the Great Milk Crates Hockey Odyssey was slated to be a practice/skills session out at UMass, the first one we'd had in two weeks. As was the case when I was a kid, the practices usually aren't as fun as the games: drills aren't more fun than actual playing, being told what to do isn't better than just playing.

However, I'm in a beginner clinic, so learning the skills is pretty important. For that reason, I wasn't that down about having a practice session as I walked into the rink, 35 minutes early, ready to leisurely get dressed for once.

As I was getting ready, the guy sitting across from me, Yellow 37 (he's the same number as me, just the wrong color), we dressing in goalie equipment.

"Weird," I thought to myself, before remembering that he'd mentioned before that he had equipment and would bring it in case we needed a goalie.

Figuring he'd probably just play net during some shooting drills, I continued to get dressed. I walked outside the locker room to take in the end of B.C. High's practice, when I saw the other goalie we have, Powder Blue Plymouth Whalers Jersey guy.

I went back in the locker room and told Yellow 37 that the other goalie was here.

"The other goalie?" he replied. "I think I'd be the other goalie in this case."

We were all waiting for the Zamboni to finish its rounds, when someone informed Coach Joe that we had two goalies for the night.

"Oh, do we?" he said. "Maybe we can scrimmage instead. Would you guys rather scrimmage or practice?"

Believe it or not, "scrimmage" was the unanimous answer.

"Eh," he said. "We'll see when Other Coach gets here, he wanted to practice. Says you guys need it."

With that, he kept tying his skates and cackled, obviously agreeing that we needed the work. This feeling was something like being in high school and having your teacher wheel in a TV and VCR, only to tell you, "oh no, this is for next period. You're still having a test."

Such a tease...

We took to the ice, and I took my customary warm-up twirls. Still getting the hang of my slight stop, I tried it again a few times going around, and fared pretty well.

"Hey, maybe I'm finally getting this," I thought to myself.

"Nah, not quite," said Gravity, as I stumbled and nearly fell on my face the next time I tried it.

Maybe I was getting ahead of myself.

Other Coach blew his whistle after a few minutes and told us we were going to do some skating first. We were told to grab a puck and start skating, and to speed up/slow down on his whistle.

WEEEEP! *skateskateskateskate* WEEEEP! *gliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide* WEEEEP! *skateskategliiiiiiiiideandhopeheisntlookingatme*

That's how it went for a few minutes, after which we were told to line up on the far goal line.

"We're gonna do some starts and stops now," said Other Coach, who had apparently taken over coaching duties while Coach Joe took shots on Whalers Goalie.

"Great," I thought. "My favorite."

Since Other Coach and Whalers Goalie were occupying the far zone, we only had to skate two-thirds of the rink. Our first task: skate to the blue line, turn around and skate backwards to the red line, turn again and skate to the far blue line. It was basically a shorter version of the turning drill we'd done in previous weeks. You know, the one I was really bad at.

As I took my turn, I skated medium-speed to the blue line. I got about two strides from the line when I started thinking about how I was going to turn.

My thought process: "Uh oh. Uh oh. UH OH. Turrrrrrn...NO, NOT THAT FAST!" *stumble stumble stumble* Then I'd skate shamefully backwards, hoping no one noticed (wrong).

"There ya go, you got it, you got it," Other Coach yelled to me. I'm not sure what "it" is, but unless having it means I can't turn around, I certainly didn't "got it."

The next spin went similarly badly, but the third one was a plus for me. I tried to do it without thinking, and actually made the turn before stumbling a bit, regaining my footing, and slowly going backwards. Not bad.

Just in case I wasn't already struggling, our next drill was stops on the whistle. We were to line up on the goal line, skate until we heard the whistle, and then stop immediately, using our right side (the one I can kind of stop on). I did my best, and actually was able to slide a few times. Doing my little practice slides before the games had apparently gotten my body more comfortable with that sliding feeling, meaning I didn't panic as is natural.

I'm certainly not stopping yet, or snowing the goalie Brad Marchand-style, but I'm getting there. Stopping facing the left? Yeah, that's a whole other problem. I'm like Derek Zoolander, and I'm not the only one: a whole bunch of skaters can stop on one side, but not the other. We'll get there.

Pretty much.

Our next drill was the push/pull drill we do occasionally, only this time we didn't do the pushing (which was fine with me). After that, we were told to line up in two lines on the blue line, and chaos ensued. Apparently what we were supposed to do was head around the center circle (practicing our crossovers), accept a pass from the other line, and head in on goal. The person who made the pass then started skating around the circle, took a pass from the next person in the line you just came from, etc. Not hard.

Except for us it was like rocket science. The first two passes went about 15 feet from the skater. Then the next skater didn't go. The coaches mercifully blew the whistle, gave us a step-by-step example like the kindergartners we apparently were, and from there we did OK. I didn't score (I didn't really come close), but it was a fun drill (and it didn't involve stopping!).

We were called to gather around the center circle, broken up into our colors, and told that we were going to scrimmage, 4-on-4, until our time was up. Other Coach told us to find our linemates, and I was paired with Speedy and  Usual Defenseman again. Since we were playing 4-on-4, we only needed one defenseman.

From the beginning, this was a fun one. The bigger rink and 4-on-4 play made it feel like a shinny game. Odd-man rushes were plentiful, as were breakaways, and there was very little in the way of defense.

On my first shift, I was hanging out by the defensive blue line when one of our guys chipped the puck up and out. I skated onto it and was alone from the blue line in. Preparing myself to make a move on Whalers Goalie, I thought of how to deke and...lost control of the puck. Foiled.

Hey, it's me on a breakaway!

 As I circled around the net, the puck went back to the point. One of our guys at the blue line half-shot, half-passed the puck towards me, and I had a defender on either side of me. As the puck was coming towards me, I sort of pulled it back and deadened it at the same time, sending the puck through my legs back towards the slot, where it landed on the tape of a wide-open Speedy. He fired a shot on net that was turned aside.

Seconds later, I ended up with a 2-on-1 with Speedy. I skated in with the puck, weighing my options, and passed when I thought it right...and it went off the defenseman's stick. Foiled again.

As I sat on the bench, Other Coach first chastised/offered me advice on what I did wrong coming out of the zone: "Ya got the puck and looked up, that was great," he said. "But then, ya STOPPED! Ya gotta keep moving ya feet. Once ya stop, the defenders close in, and ya options disappear. You made the right play, but keep moving!"

As he was walking away, he turned back and said, "oh, by the way, great pass back there behind ya. That's a great look, a beautiful pass. Beautiful!"

Call me Marc Savard Jr.

Marc and I are masters of the beautiful pass.

Team Gold scored on the shift after we headed the bench, so we were down 1-0 next time I touched the ice. I noticed that, because Team Gold had an extra player, their defensive lines had changed, and their best skater/player wasn't out there with me. Jackpot.

Strangely enough, our second shift mirrored our first. I ended up with a 2-on-1 with Speedy again, and I walked the puck in to about the hashmarks, didn't see a lane, and fired it on net, where Whalers Goalie kicked it out.

Seconds later (again), I found myself on another breakaway, this time with a Team Gold player on my tail. I managed to keep control of the puck this time, and decided I wanted to try to fake a backhand and then go forehand. Considering I can barely make that move in NHL13, it should come as no surprise that my laser beam of a shot didn't trouble Whalers Goalie, and I was foiled for a fourth time.

It remained 1-0 when we skated back out for what was probably our last shift, as I could see the Zamboni driver walking down towards the rink doors, the universal sign of "shit, our time is almost up."

As I hit the ice, I noticed again that we had a good match-up, as Smooth Skating Gold Guy was on the bench. Time to pounce.

I chased another loose puck into their end, closing in on a third breakaway. Third time's the charm, right? No, not this time, as the backchecker caught up to me. I gathered the puck and tried to circle around the net, but he was still on my back, and I ended up falling hard to the ice, the puck skittering into the corner.

I got up and went around the net and stood out front, hoping to catch a rebound of some kind and get one last whack at it. I was positioned to Whalers Goalie's left, just outside the crease, when I saw Speedy get a loose puck near the right face-off dot. He looked up, spotted me, and threaded a pass through a defender and across the slot. It was coming right at me.

"Shit," I thought. "DO SOMETHING!"

I put my stick on the ice and half shot/half redirected the pass on goal, hoping to beat Whalers Goalie low. Because he was coming across the crease, he had opened up his legs, and I watched the puck slide right through his five-hole and into the back of the net.

Goal. A real, live, actual-goalie-in-the-net goal.

Cue the music!

His head tilted back as he looked up at the ceiling in a "I can't believe I let that goofy bastard score" fashion; my hands went up as I skated over to Speedy and thanked him for the pass. Gloved first-bumps for everyone.

"HO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" said Coach Joe from the bench. "All tied up, next goal wins!"

I got the puck one or two more times before he blew the whistle to end our shift, and I glided to the bench, getting a couple more bumps. We didn't get another shift, and I watched as the game ended in a 1-1 tie. Team Teal remained undefeated against Team Gold, thanks to the COURAGE, STEELY RESOLVE, AND HEROICS OF YOURS TRULY.

As I walked to the locker room, our goalie, Gold 37, said "was it you that got that goal?"

I nodded and said, "yeah. I missed on three or four others, so I guess he owed me one."

He laughed and said, "nice goal."

I walked into the dressing room and sat down to remove my gear with the rest of my teammates. Apparently heroic goalscorers don't get their own locker room after all.

Weird.

And so, a night that featured (literal) starts and stops, embarrassing twirls, near falls, and a couple of actual falls ended with my first career goal.

Hockey can be a funny game, eh?